Much to our detriment, men internalize things. When we are bothered by something, we hold it in and ruminate on it. We may even distance ourselves from those around us.
Why do we do this? Two reasons:
First, we are not wired that way. From early childhood, we are taught to suck it up! It don’t hurt that bad! Big boys don’t cry!
And second, our women won’t listen to us anyway. They cherry pick our words and phrases and decipher hidden messages that were never present to begin with. Then our emotions are turned around and used against us.
I’m a worrier. I can’t help it! If there is something worth worrying about, I’ll find it! I’ll pursue that mother fucker until I run right passed it, then I’ll turn around and pursue it some more!
This morning, I was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking my coffee and wondering how am I going to pay my bills? We went through our tax money like water. I bought an Xbox and a couple of games. But whenever my wife went to the store, it was a hundred dollars here, a couple hundred there.
I tried telling her to slow down on her spending, we have other things to pay for. Did she listen to me? Hell no!
Now I have a car just sitting because I don’t have $600 to fix it. And now I’m cursed with the burden of trying to figure out how do I fix it? How do I make my ends meet seemingly out of thin air?
I could sell myself for sex, but that wouldn’t get me much, would it?
She told me I look like a dog on death row. And I guess that’s how I feel. I feel like a failure, a fraud. A boy who thought he could take on manhood, but lost. I have no dreams, no ambitions.
And like a dog, laying on the floor of his kennel, I’m just waiting for when it’s my turn to walk that last mile.