Hellhound Pt 2

The graveyard is a bleak and desolate landscape. Only the bravest, or the most foolish, tread here. It is like the land is constantly overcast with a pall of sadness. My hellhound eventually returned. But not before laying his seed in the belly of some bitch down the road. They will have some god awful offspring, I tell you.

I am safe from the vampires. At least, for the time being. I see them lurking in the woods beyond.

I had thought this medicine would help me, but I was wrong. It’s hard to cure what ails you when nothing changes for the better.

I’ve been wondering here lately where my faith has gone. It used to be so strong. Now…I couldn’t even tell you if I had faith at all. Funny how that works. Like a child’s innocence, faith slowly erodes away.

You begin to ask yourself: is there a point to life and all this shit I’m going through? I am on the fence when it comes to believing that everything happens for a reason and shit happens. If the meaning of life is growing old and tender to the point we can’t wipe our own asses, then what’s the point? Working in a nursing home will do that to your perspective.

If everything happens for a reason, then does that mean my sins and mistakes happen for a specific cause? And whose reason is it? Man’s or God’s?

If you believe in God, or a higher power, then must believe that if not all, then some things happen for a reason. But what if we are nothing more than figments of God’s imagination? With the creation and eventual fall of man, God showed his love by destroying the wicked several times, and at the appropriate time, sent his son to die in my place.

I have to wonder if God can love me that much. I’m a major pain in the ass!

Want to know what I would have done? I would have destroyed mankind, locked Satan in the cellar and started over, fresh and clean. Want to know my theory? I believe mankind was created on a bet between God and Satan. Think I’m wrong? Read the book Job.

It’s incredibly easy for your thoughts to run away out here. Most days, I can hear my watch ticking a mile away; like the beating of my own heart. A gust of wind sweeps across the ground; snow and leaves mix together and swirl around the headstones.

Night is falling and the monsters are coming out. And I am going inside!

Graveyard Night

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Life

I don’t know about life anymore. Up one day, down the next, go to sleep and wake up to repeat a vicious cycle. Is there such a thing as destiny? Or is that something movies and television like to sell?

Right now, as I type this, my oldest is having a meltdown because I wouldn’t let him climb on the countertop. I was in a good mood this morning until my wife started feeling sorry for herself. I sent her fat ass to the gym.

Last week, she discovered the affair I’ve been having. That was a fun day, I’ll tell you. I may talk more about it in a later post.

Went and got our Christmas tree yesterday. And I have to wonder for what. So it can take up space in the living room? So my boys can fuck with the branches and pull the tree over? My wife always wants to decorate in October, but when it comes time for having a joyous Christmas spirit, it’s like coming face-to-face with the Grinch himself.

Fuck my life!

Christmas hasn’t been the same since I was a kid. That old nostalgia has moved on down the road.

I’m tired of being the subject of my wife’s unhappiness. If I sit apart from her in the living room, I get my ass chewed. If I text a friend of mine, I get my ass chewed because that’s time, energy and attention I could be giving to her. I’ve been conditioned to believe that everything I’m doing is wrong!

Women are attention whores!

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son was having a bad morning. He can’t verbalize how he feels, so what do you think he’s gonna do to say he doesn’t want to go to school? He’s going to act out physically! My wife, in all her wisdom, tells him not to be a dick!

Really? You’re going to tell an autistic child “don’t be a dick”? I told her she doesn’t need to be saying that sort of stuff to him. He’s autistic! And the response I received was, “I can tell you’re gonna be an ass today!”

See what I mean? Same vicious cycle!

Shaking my god damn head!

Graveyard Night