A Little Late in Coming

Today is so bleak, so drab, so somber. If I wasn’t wanting to hang myself from a balcony or blow my brains out, I believe I’d sit somewhere and stare aimlessly out the window. That is, of course, depending on whether or not I can be left alone long enough to do it.

The Lexapro I’m on seemed to be helping at first, but now? Now I’m not so sure. I don’t know if it’s the weather, the medicine, or both, but fuck! I feel like strangling myself today.

It’s difficult to concentrate, to get my thoughts out. My writing style, I think, definitely has changed.

You know, I’ve been thinking about this for a while: I’m convinced that I will never have anything nice in life. The nicest thing that I have is my car. And the fucking bumper has been wrecked twice!

On Halloween, we took our boys trick or treating, and one of the neighborhoods we hit up was the wealthy neighborhood. You would think that more of them open their homes to trick or treating, but they don’t. Be that as it may, it didn’t prevent me from becoming envious of what these people had.

I’m sure these people have worked hard for what they have and I would hope they wouldn’t look down on me. About the only major appliances that I have owned were a washer and dryer. That’s it! Each and every single stove that apartment complexes have provided have been nothing but pieces of shit!

Ugh. I’m rambling. You must forgive me.

I think I’m gonna stop right there. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Graveyard Night

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Loser Today

I feel like a loser today. Restless and ill content. I could say that I don’t know what the culprit is; I could be like a woman and talk around the issue, but I won’t. I downloaded a shit ton of porn yesterday.

It happens every time.

How many men do you know of that have piles of porn magazines or X-rated movies say they don’t like it? I hope I’m not in the minority.

Just as cocaine and alcohol are damaging to the body, porn is damaging to the mind. I know this. And yet, I feel powerless to stop it.

If I go cold Turkey on porn, I am driven to madness hearing the erotic moans and the leg and feet placement of a woman getting fucked. It haunts my mind in the waking hours.

Any man who hasn’t dealt with the addiction to pornography better consider themselves blessed.

It’s maddening!

Graveyard Night