Why is it everytime I go to post an ad on Craig’s List-whether it is for a woman to suck my pecker (by the way, I think that the word cock is best reserved for men that are truly well endowed), talk to someone on Kik, or if I am trying to find a couple willing to let me watch them have sex-all I get is spam!

It is incredibly frustrating!  And they are all the same: a horny, lonely wife, emails rife with misspelling, etc.

In a city of about 10,000 people, you cannot tell me that there hasn’t been at least one woman that hasn’t seen an ad I have posted.  And I am not necessarily looking for just sex.  It’s the conversation, the learning and meeting new people, that I crave!  I get a thrill of excitement when I see I have a new conversation request on Kik.

Last night, I was at the store after work looking to buy some wine, and wouldn’t you know it!  They didn’t have the kind I buy!  I am not exactly a wine connoisseur, so I walked away empty handed.  In fact, I am pretty much a novice when it comes to wine.

Anyway, there was a nice looking woman there with me and we were talking about wine.  I am almost certain she was flirting with me.  But, hell!  I am a guy and most men think that if a woman pays them just one minute of attention, the woman must be into them.  Now, I try not to be a judgemental person, but this woman struck me as the type to be a little on the easy side.  

I tell you, people, I was standing there, checking out this woman’s rounded, well-proportioned ass, and I was tempted to ask permission to grab it!  Don’t scoff at me when you read that.  I said that I was tempted to.  And anyway, at least I would have done the gentlemanly thing and asked permission.

Have you ever seen an attractive couple and wondered if they have a spectacular, raunchy sex life?  They walk and laugh together, hold hands.  They seem so carefree in life.  

Living in a town of about 10,000 people, I have often wondered how many couples were into swinging.  Often times, I lay awake in bed at night and wonder how many men are sitting in a corner chair, stroking his pud while another man was busy pleasuring his wife.

Yes, that is my ad.

Does the swinger’s lifestyle interest me because I have unresolved issues in my marriage?  Does any other man feel the monotany of matrimony?  Would finding another couple to have sex with actually make me feel better?  Or, would it pull me down further the rabbit hole?  Is it a combination of marital problems and the fact that my wife has virtually let herself go?

After spending years of watching porn, it is one of my darkest desires to see it play out before me.  But such is the life of the Caretaker-a life of pipe dreams and fantasies.  

The sun has risen and is shining it’s brilliant rays down on the snow.  Headstones with faded markers protrude from the fine powder.  God’s dandruff, I call it.  I hear the wrought iron gates squeal.  It seems I have some visitors.  

I’ll see you around.

-Graveyard Night


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