Depression has no ryhme or reason. It just exists and attacks those it wants at will. How many celebrities have you heard of that have come forth, detailing their battles with the Great Emotional Killer? How many have committed suicide because of it?
My depression gets worse and worse everyday. I keep dipping the goddamn bucket down that fucking well, expecting different results. But I never see them. Insane, isn’t it?
Afterall, isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over again the same way, and expecting a different result each and every time.
But even the day that I do
I’ll jump off and smile back at you…
I’m riding a big blue ball
And never did dream I would fall
But even the high may lay low
So when I do fall I’ll be glad to go…
-Waylon Jennings, Defying Gravity (Executioners Song)
Today, I feel dead inside. Have you ever pictured your emotional heart as sort of a cave? Different paths lead to different chambers and cells. I have a pretty good idea of what mine looks like. I will write about that at a later date.
I feel numb today. Not even the saddest song on my phone can compell me to cry. If a nervous breakdown could shed one tear, it would be worth it.